Henry's End Read online

  “Not far.”

  “Let’s go, we have a shitload of work to do if we’re going to throw Edwin a party as fabulous as he is.”

  It wasn’t until it was out of his mouth that Seth realized he’d said, “we’re” and Henry hadn’t corrected him that it was his party and not theirs.

  Henry Clark was killing him.

  Up and down ladders, decorated indoors and out on the deck, even Henry’s little greenhouse was glamorized for the event. The details were all perfect, all classic Seth Shapiro, as they transformed the condo into what appeared to be a giant birdcage filled with peacocks and pink flamingos of all sizes, fabrics and materials.

  “You should have been a set designer,” Henry noted as they completed the final touches. “Edwin is going to go crazy when he sees this.”

  Climbing the ladder to tack up the last of the netting, Henry used his full height to reach high up on the wall of the vaulted ceiling. “Is this the right spot?” he asked.

  Hour upon hour of working side by side, watching his hot ass and muscular legs climb the ladder over and over again, had Seth seriously distracted. He never wanted to jump another man, they usually came clamoring around him, wanting to be a part of his world, but this man was making him ache – both physically and emotionally. And he wanted to jump his bones, much to his own astonishment.

  “Earth to Seth, do I have this in the right spot?” Henry was stretched to his full-length.

  “Oh yeah, looks great.” He pulled his eyes from the low-hanging waistline of Henry’s shorts and the exposed banded top of his underwear.

  Coming down off the ladder, he looked at his watch. “Wow, the caterer is going to be here in about thirty minutes. I need to hit the shower.” Pausing for a moment, “I should have told you to bring a change of clothes. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s crazy for you to run all the way to La Costa and back again. I can lend you a fresh shirt.”

  “No, I’m good. And I’ve got Edwin’s present back there.” He picked his keys up off the coffee table.

  “You bought Edwin a present?” Henry’s eyes were filled with awe, surprised by Seth’s endless generosity.

  “Pfft… did you really think I would show up to a birthday party empty-handed?”

  Without any forethought or warning, Henry closed the space between them, enveloping Seth into a warm hug, his face in the nook of his neck.

  This man is a hugger. Seth stiffened.

  Pulling away slightly, “Thank you for everything.”

  Seth just nodded.

  Placing his lips next to Seth’s ear, Henry whispered, “And please stop getting so tense every time I hug you. I’m beginning to get the impression you don’t want me to touch you.”

  Seth shook his head.

  “What?” Henry whispered.

  “I don’t want you to stop.” And although his body was giving a distinctly different message, Seth knew he would fall apart if Henry were to pull away and not touch him again.

  The party was in full swing when Seth came back through the doors. Standing just inside the entrance, he took stock of the six hours of decorating he and Henry had done, and had to admit this was one of his better ones, even with the abbreviated planning and short set-up time. The two of them had made a great team, working in tandem, totally in sync with one another. Seth scanned the room, looking for him, but didn’t see him anywhere and felt a void immediately hit his chest.

  It didn’t take long for him to figure out who the guest of honor was, fully decked out with a peacock feather headband and pink feather boa. Seth approached him, present in hand, “I’m told that I could be your evil spawn.”

  Edwin openly checked out Seth from head to toe, lingering on his dark curls, his full lips and his crotch. “I’ve heard a lot about you since his trip to New York.”

  “Did I scare him that much?” Seth’s smile was conspiratorial.

  “To the core,” Edwin confessed dramatically, and the two men laughed, bonding instantly.

  “Now that’s a recipe for trouble.”

  “Boat Boy!” Edwin opened his arms and Schooner wrapped the older man in a bear hug.

  What is it with them and the hugging out here? Seth’s facial expression bordered on disgust.

  “And you must be Minx.” Edwin embraced Mia.

  “Minx? That’s a good one.” Snickering, Seth was clearly most amused.

  “Shut up, Princess.” Mia swatted his upper arm.

  “My favorite people all meeting one another,” Henry joined the group.

  “This looks amazing,” Mia was looking around.

  Henry pointed to Seth.

  Smiling, “I should’ve known. This definitely has his signature all over it.”

  “At least someone’s a useful gay,” commented Edwin.

  “I was very useful today,” protested Henry. “Tell them, Seth.”

  “He takes direction very well.” Seth rolled his eyes and they all laughed.

  Engaged in conversations throughout the night, Seth found himself constantly searching for Mia and Schooner, his comfort zone and for Henry, his distinct zone of discomfort. Seth realized that he was intentionally keeping a physical distance from Henry and he began to get agitated, feeling like a fish out of water versus the usual alpha fish in the tank.

  Stepping out onto the deck, he found the outdoor space as crowded as the indoor and started planning his escape. Not being able to resolve his inner conflict of trying to avoid the man and wanting to be with him – alone with him, intimate with him, was disconcerting and making him anxious.

  Re-entering the condo, he slipped down the hall. Opening a door to peek in, possibly finding a place of refuge. He smiled when he realized it was the master bedroom. Closing the door behind him, Seth tried to come to terms with the onslaught of conflicting emotions, feeling at once like a stalker, yet closer to the man in his domain.

  He walked over to a bicycle leaning against the wall and gently ran his hand over the sleek frame. A helmet hung from the handle bars. Henry Clark liked to cycle. Seth smiled to himself, having just learned something personal he hadn’t known about him. He walked over to the dresser. A small knotted driftwood sculpture sat next to a picture frame holding a photo of Henry and another man, a man with a beautiful smile and impossibly blue eyes. They stood alongside their bicycles, wearing racing shirts and numbers. Seth found himself smiling at the picture of Henry and the man. It was impossible not to. They exuded pure happiness.

  “His name was Quinn.”

  Seth hadn’t heard Henry come out of the en suite bathroom.

  “He’s very handsome.”

  Henry picked up the picture and smiled at it, “Yes, he was.”

  Seth cocked his head, his eyes imploring Henry for an explanation. Was? His first inclination was that he’d been lost to AIDS.

  “He was a cop,” Henry explained. “He was killed in the line of duty.”

  Seth immediately felt his eyes fill with tears as his heart stopped beating for a moment, “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” Seth caught his breath. “Was he your partner?”

  Henry nodded, smiling at the picture as he placed it back down on the dresser. “Yeah.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “I know,” Henry smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder.

  “I feel like I should let you hug me.” Seth broke the somber mood.

  And this time when Henry’s arms went around him, Seth hugged him back tightly.

  H: Where did you go? When did you leave?

  S: I was getting tired and knew I had to drive back to the hotel. I looked for you and didn’t see you, so I just slipped out.

  Seth looked at his lame text. He knew when the evening ended, he’d want to stay, and not just to help Henry clean up. And then what? Awkwardness. Do I stay? Do I go? Do I get rejected?

  H: You didn’t even say goodnight…

  S: Goodnight

  H: Don’t do that, Seth.

  S: I’m sorry

  H: Are you?<
br />
  S: If I’ve upset you, then yes, I am sorry.

  H: I’m hurt.

  S: Then I’m REALLY sorry

  H: We really need to talk, you know that

  S: Yeah, but not now, Henry. It’s almost 3 A.M.

  H: Don’t blow me off

  S: ☺ Great choice of words

  H: ⇐ not smiling

  S: I’m sorry I didn’t say goodnight to you

  H: I was just really floored that you were no longer here ?

  S: I feel bad. It was really selfish and rude of me to do that. I really am sorry.

  H: Tomorrow is your last day out here. We’re spending it together.

  S: We are?

  H: Yes. We are.

  H: I can’t believe you left.

  S: I feel really shitty.

  H: You should.

  “I do,” he said aloud to his phone. “You didn’t deserve me making you feel bad. I’m an ass.”

  Fifteen minutes later.

  S: Henry – are you still up?

  H: Yes

  S: You wanted me there?

  H: Yes! You were questioning that? Is that why you left?

  S: Yes

  H: God, Seth. You are such an ass.

  S: I am REALLY sorry

  H: Have you eaten breakfast?

  S: What time is it?

  H: Almost 8. I’ll take you to a place Edwin and I always used to meet for breakfast

  S: ☺ Do they serve crow? Seagull? Pigeon? (Pink Flamingo, Peacock)?

  H: LOL. What’s your room number?

  The rapping on his door four minutes later took Seth by surprise. Hair askew, wearing only a pair of blue L9 gym shorts, he got out of bed and looked through the peephole, ready to growl at the housekeeping staff.

  “Oh shit,” was his kneejerk reaction.

  “Nice greeting,” Henry said from the other side of the door. “After last night, I thought you’d be a slight bit more contrite.”

  “Where were you texting from?”

  “The lobby. Open the freaking door, Seth.”

  Unlatching the safety chain, Seth flung open the door.

  Breaking into an immediate smile, Henry checked him out, ruffled hair to bare toes, “Nice,” he concluded.

  Grunting at him, Seth closed the door behind him.

  They stood there, facing one another, so much to be said. Seth felt truly naked in just his gym shorts, knowing baring his emotions was going to leave him a lot more vulnerable than baring his body to this man and this was just the tip of the nakedness. So to speak.

  “I’m sorry about last night.” Seth opened his arms and Henry came to him.

  “You feel so good.” He tightened his hold on Seth as he felt the ornery New Yorker melting into his arms for the first time.

  Pulling his face back to look into Henry’s eyes, “I am really sorry about last night. Really, really sorry. We haven’t talked. This thing between us is confusing the crap out of me and I panicked. That’s the truth. I just panicked.”

  Henry smiled, “Do you actually think anybody would believe that someone made Seth Shapiro panic?”

  Seth thought for a moment and then let out a laugh, “Not for a second.”

  “Get dressed and let’s go out for breakfast.”

  “OK,” he began to turn away, but Henry yanked him back by the hand and wrapped his arms around him again.

  “You’re actually a really good hugger.”

  “Can we just keep that between us?” Seth smiled at the handsome man standing in his hotel room. “I’ll be right back.” And he disappeared into the bathroom.

  He found Henry on the balcony when he emerged, “We have a bottle of Silver Oak to drink today.”

  “Take that back to New York with you.”

  Seth shook his head, “I love Silver Oak and I want to share it with you.”

  Sitting in the hangar-like darkness of The Menu Restaurant, Seth perused the menu with a scowl on his face.

  “What’s wrong?” Henry asked.

  “I’m just not used to this whole enchilada/taco thing for breakfast. We eat bagels and Eggs Benedict in New York.”

  Henry sat back and smiled. “You are so not my type.”

  Seth’s look was deadly, “Great. Thanks.” He looked back down at his menu.

  “Seth, don’t.”

  “Don’t what?” there was a pissy edge to his voice.

  “Don’t think that’s bad.”

  Putting the menu down, Seth sat back in his chair, “You just told me I’m not your type. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. That’s not a feel good statement, Henry.”

  “It doesn’t change the way I feel.” Henry’s eyes held Seth’s, as if daring him to blink.

  Seth shook his head. “Don’t expect me to ask that next question on the heels of what you’ve just told me.”

  “How I feel about you?” Henry was not going to back down from the challenge.

  Crossing his arms over his chest, Seth did not respond, his jaw solidly set.

  “I’m hoping we’re in the same boat,” Henry began. “There is this undeniable thing between us, Seth, you know that.” He paused, and appeared to be grappling with himself about what to say next. If he should say it. “You said something to me at Schooner and Mia’s wedding that just rocked my world.”

  “What did I say?” Seth was surprised by Henry’s statement.

  “You started talking about wanting a relationship. About reading the Times on Sunday mornings with your lover. About traveling to Bali and the Seychelles.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why Bali and the Seychelles?”

  Seth shrugged and just shook his head. “I’ve always wanted to go there. They’re exotic, romantic. I’ve just always wanted to go to both places.”

  Henry looked at him, but remained silent.

  “So that rocked your world?” Seth was lost.

  Nodding, “Yeah.”

  “I’m not sure I understand, Henry.”

  “I know. And I’m sorry if I’m not making sense.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Quinn and I were planning a trip to Bali and the Seychelles right before he was killed.”

  “I’m really sorry. And I’m sorry if what I said to you at Schooner and Mia’s wedding was disturbing.”

  “It was disturbing. But you know what the most disturbing thing about it was?”

  Seth shook his head.

  “That you made me realize that I still wanted that dream, too. That dream of sharing with someone. Having someone. I had denied that for so long and then you said it. And I just couldn’t shake it.”

  Seth remained silent. Not responding to Henry’s admission.

  “Talk to me, Seth. I feel this wall rising rapidly and I don’t know how to stop it.”

  When he began to speak, Seth’s voice was very low and modulated. “It appears I said something that was a trigger for wonderful memories you had. But what you are responding to is not me, Henry. You’ve been very clear with me this morning that I am not the person you want.”

  “Are you shitting me? Is that what you took from this?” Henry’s frustration was mounting.

  “Yeah.”

  “OK, you listen to me, Seth Shapiro, and I mean really listen without putting your shit or spin on it. We have talked nearly every day for the last month. It’s a really messy situation because we work together, and getting involved with someone you work with, is risky. I don’t want to lose my job and you’re not going to be leaving yours. So if this thing between us blows up, doesn’t work out, whatever, no matter how mature we want to be, it’s still going to be funky for us, and everyone around us. I know that. You know that.”

  Seth held his eye contact, but didn’t speak. He appeared to be seething mad and on the edge of a sarcastic retort. But he remained silent.

  “We live three thousand miles apart and that is not going to change for either of us anytime soon. You are like no one I’ve ever met before, and that is why I said you’re not my t
ype. I’ve never been around someone like you. When we were in New York, you were like the star, with everyone buzzing around you. Everyone wanting your approval and attention. And I knew that first night, that you had been Mia’s rock until Schooner found her again. I watched her children fall asleep in your arms because they are so comfortable with you and love you so deeply. And I knew then, that there was a lot to you. That you were one really complex man. Probably more complex than anyone I’ve ever met. And in one brief moment, you opened up to me and you shared your dream with me. You let me see past all that tough, snarky New York bullshit you’ve got going on, and you told me your dream. And it’s haunted me every moment of every day since.”

  “I’m not him, Henry. And just because I want to travel to the same exotic locales, I’m not him. I’m not that dream you had.”

  “Did you not listen to a fucking word I said when I was pouring my heart out to you? When I told you that I didn’t want you to leave last night? Did we not share the best day yesterday putting that party together? Every phone conversation? Every text? Can you honestly say to me that you have not spent the last month thinking about me?”

  “I’m not him.” Seth appeared defeated.

  “You need to let that go. That is your shit.” Reaching across the table, he pulled a hand off Seth’s chest and held it tightly. “Tell me you have not spent the last month thinking about me. Tell me.”

  “You know I have.”

  Henry smiled and squeezed his hand. “Then let’s figure this out.”

  “I don’t want to be somebody else’s dream, Henry.” The sincerity in Seth’s eyes was haunting.

  “You’re not. Please believe me. It’s you I can’t get out of my head. And I don’t know what to do with it. Admitting that to you scares the living shit out of me because you have me so off-balance.”

  With his free hand, Seth pulled his phone out of his pocket, swiped it on and passed it across the table to Henry.

  Picking up the phone, Henry looked perplexed. “It’s a picture of me.” He looked at Seth and then slowly smiled. “You have a picture of me?”

  With a sheepish grin, Seth nodded.

  “That’s really kind of stalkerish.” He looked back down at the picture. “But I like it.” Looking back up at Seth, “You don’t do anything to it, do you?”